Pageviews and Happiness



This month marks exactly five years since my first blog post. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog for some time, I want you to know that I truly appreciate it. Every time someone tells me they read my latest blog post, I get a little happy inside, even if I try to act all cool about it. For those who are here for the first time, this is a blog where I mostly talk about nonsense and try to spread theories on things like why girls post double selfies or why diamonds are dumb. Occasionally I’ll share something useful like how to get a southwest companion pass or how to negotiate a raise.

Today I want to share my thoughts on happiness, and I’m going to try to do it in a weird way.

So let’s be honest here. I might try to act nonchalant all the time, but I really care about my web traffic. Chances are if you’re reading this on the day I posted it, I’m probably looking at my stats right this second. Whether it was my first blog post of fiftieth, the process is more or less the same. First, I share my post with the internet and second, I aggressively check my analytics. And when I say “aggressively checking”, I want you to understand that I’m not doing any sort of real analysis in any way; I’m basically just looking at how many people are currently on my site and getting a kick out of it.
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Happy Birthday Beatrice

Hi, Beatrice. Happy birthday.
happy birthday beatrice

On your birthday last year I stepped wildly outside of my comfort zone and publicly wrote about why I loved you so much. I remember seeing how happy it made you, so I decided to do it again for your birthday this year. Only this time, I don’t feel like I’m stepping too far out. Although, I had this really weird internal conflict about writing this because of my feelings towards PDA, which you probably know better than anyone. But, to tell you the truth, I was actually kind of looking forward to writing this this year. The reason is because, while having the fortune of spending nearly every day with you since your last birthday, I really don’t express how truly lucky I am to have you in my life nearly enough.

When you have something for a long time, you start to get used to it and when you get used to something, it’s natural to start taking it for granted. But Beatrice, I will never, ever take you for granted. It’s impossible. Because even though it’s almost the same thing every day, just being with you makes me incredibly happy. I’ve never felt so loved or special in my entire life. With you, just coming home from work is a joyous occasion. Every day, I come home and you are there, running to the door to greet me with open arms, just excited as you were the day before. This is going to be a terrible comparison, but people often ask me why I really don’t want a pet. Yes, mostly it’s because I am lazy and don’t want the extra responsibility, but also it’s because I already have someone that loves me unconditionally and gets super happy every time she sees me.
Continue reading Happy Birthday Beatrice

The Most Goddamn Annoying Question

douchey sweater

douchey sweater

“So… what do you do?” is probably one of the most goddamn annoying questions someone can ask you within thirty seconds of meeting you. I don’t know about you, but whenever someone does this to me in a social environment, I immediately lose any interest in talking to them.

I met some dude a couple weeks ago who asked me this immediately after telling me his name. I could kind of tell he was pretty douchey before talking to him because he was wearing a pretty douchey sweater [see picture]. I think it had leather elbow protectors too. But he was a friend of a friend so I humored him and gave him a quick rundown. It didn’t seem like he was able to size me up properly from my explanation so he proceeded to ask me the name of my company, where I went to school and how old I was. I could sense he was eager to tell me what he did for a living but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction so I just stopped talking and forced him to sit next to me in awkward silence.
Continue reading The Most Goddamn Annoying Question

More theories

I think we can all agree that a key to having a successful blog is to consistently update with new content. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly easy to come up with relatable, financial advice on a regular basis. I know, even despite the fact that at least once every two weeks someone suggests some obscure fact for me to write about. “Hey I just saved like $3.25 parking over here instead of over there in this very specific situation. You should blog about that.” “Hey, I found a quarter on the ground on my way over here. You should blog about that.” I actually really wish I wrote down all of these useless nice suggestions I’ve gotten over the past few years so I actually could “blog about that.”

Lately, I’ve noticed it’s been more and more common where I find myself saying the words “I’m not actually that cheap” to someone who I just met through a mutual friend. I mean it feels like a necessary safety precursor because getting introduced as “Hey this is Albert. He is hella cheap.” isn’t always the best first impression. “Uhh… I know he just told you that I have a website that says the exact opposite, but it would make more sense if you knew me and…”

Anyways, when I’m not talking about how to save your money on here, I’m usually spreading some theory that I made up, which is actually an excellent segue to what’s coming next.

I don’t exactly own an Instagram account, but I can hashtag as hard as the rest of you. I have recently learned about how girls will post a picture of themselves, but instead of a regular picture it will be the same picture twice or three times. See here for examples (from the internet):

Triple girl Continue reading More theories


italian teabagHey what’s up? Long time no see. I’ve been making a couple somewhat big life changes over the last few months. First of all, I finally moved to SF. I spent a lot of time talking about it but we finally made the move. We wanted to move here for new experiences and I was really bored of living in the suburbs of Orange County. One of my top priorities for moving here is to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. I’m going to do my best to reach out to people I haven’t talked to for a while but also please don’t be shy and hit me up too. I am very excited. Also I would like to add, trying to move during Santa-con was a horrible, horrible idea. Continue reading Move/Trip

Happy Birthday Beatrice


Alright, I’ll admit it.

I’m a hater. Or more correctly put, I think a lot of things are stupid. And worse, I find a strange enjoyment in pointing out why things are stupid to people who actually like those things. Don’t get me wrong though; I’m not admitting to this because I feel bad about it. I’m just acknowledging that it’s probably really annoying to talk to me about something that you like and that I think is stupid. And with my views on how diamond engagement rings are a scam, how Valentine’s Day is a tragedy, and how taking couple selfies is as embarrassing as taking real selfies, it’s probably really hard to date me. And yet, somehow my girlfriend manages to do it every day.

Today is Beatrice’s birthday.

Happy birthday, you beautiful girl. I know your one request for your birthday was for me to write you a card, but I figured I could probably do you one better. Instead, I want to publicly tell you why you are the greatest, and why I am the luckiest person in the world. Continue reading Happy Birthday Beatrice


In my recent post, I briefly talked about how I do not have an Instagram. To be honest, I felt a little left out so I decided I would get an account of my own. Below are ten pictures that I think will accurately give you a glimpse into how awesome my life really is.


#gas #expensive #gasisexpensive #gas$ #thanksObama #77.37 #BP

Even though everyone is pretty much paying the same price for gas, it was very necessary for me to complain about gas prices by taking a picture of what I just paid for gas and uploading it to the internet.
Continue reading Instagram


What’s up?

Yep, my name is Albert and the person in that picture is me. It is the first and hopefully last ‘selfie’ I’ve taken and subsequently uploaded to the internet. This is mainly because I think selfies are kind of really dumb.

Unfortunately, it seems like nobody else agrees with this view. I’ve noticed a very steep upward trend in the popularity of posting ‘selfies’ over the past few years and still think it’s incredibly weird. All of your friends already fucking know what you look like. They don’t need a daily reminder. It’s also super funny to me when people go places and take an up close picture of their face and then in the description they need to tell you where they’re at because their face is blocking the background. So in the end they just have a collection of identical pictures of their big dumb face taken at different places they’ve been. Seems a little counterproductive, but I digress. Continue reading Albert



Yes I know, I haven’t updated in half a year. The reason for my lack of updates actually isn’t because I’ve been too busy or too lazy. It’s just that a while ago, I decided that I was going to let this blog die.

I started this website when I was a broke college student in the process of becoming a broke, underpaid college grad. I always had a knack for saving money, and thought it would be fun to start this site.
Continue reading Iamhellaback