Up your dating game

When it comes to dating, you probably have that one douchey friend who always gives you the same advice: “It’s just a numbers game bro”. But your friend doesn’t understand things from your point of view. You’re different from him. You can’t just go out there and hit on every girl willy nilly. You have standards. It’s too dark in the club to see her face.  It’s too creepy to ask out a complete stranger. Or maybe… just maybe… you’re kind of being a bitch right now. Having standards and hitting on more girls to increase your chances are not mutually exclusive. With 7 billion people in the world, I’m sure that there are more girls out there that meet your standards than you have time to talk to. So it’s quite possible that maybe your douchey friend is right and…
Continue reading Up your dating game

The Tragedy of Valentine’s Day

Tragedy-of-Valentine#U2019s-Day
As this site continues to grow, the majority of my readership has slowly gone from friends, to Facebook friends, to internet strangers. Due to the stuff I like to write about and the increase in readership, I would like to make some announcements about my personal life. Additionally, please know that I am incredibly grateful for and appreciative of every person who takes the time to read my blog; it makes me very happy.

I want to announce that I recently got a girlfriend. She is incredibly caring and thoughtful and I’ve never met anyone who understands me as well as she does. She is smart, driven and has a very successful future ahead of her. I am extremely happy and lucky to have her. Also her cuteness level is as high as, if not higher than, her awesomeness level. She is also more than supportive of this blog, which is pretty surprising considering the majority of its content. So, I thought it was fitting for me to give her a shout out, especially for what’s about to come next. Continue reading The Tragedy of Valentine’s Day

Diamonds are Forever Stupid

This blog basically serves two purposes. One, it is entertainment for me; and two, it sometimes helps people save money. More recently, however, I discovered it actually serves a third purpose, which is… three, it helps make sure that I never get laid.

And even while aware of this, with every post, I continue to shoot myself in the foot (penis) time and time again. I don’t know if it’s my dislike for wasting money or love for making sense, but I can’t seem to stop. Well today, I’m here to continue to dig myself into a deeper hole in order to address a topic that affects my current age group.

Diamonds, more specifically diamond engagement rings, are a waste of money.
Continue reading Diamonds are Forever Stupid

Iamhellaexpensive

Recently on a first date, I had mentioned that I kept a blog about being cheap. She went home, read it, and offered me a piece of pretty solid advice. “You should probably never tell anyone you want to date about this blog.” I’ve never done any research on my viewer demographic, but I think it’s safe to assume that girls probably don’t like this site. Well ladies, to make it up, I have something special in store for you today. My sexy female friend will be walking us through on how to be hella expensive.

Enjoy!

HOW TO GET DRINKS FOR FREE:  A Bar Girl’s Guide

By Ms. Resourceful

Girls night out is tradition that never gets old. It has been done for centuries by women of all eras with one simple goal in mind: To have fun, without having to spend a dime!

Imagine a night full of bottomless vodka-tonics and fruity flavored shots all on the tab of what’s-his-name-again. Some women have mastered this challenge, while the less brazen may find it to be a tall order. However, I assure you that all girls can have their entire rendezvous graciously paid for by any one of the trolling men at the bar. You just have to follow a few simple rules….and no, these are not your mother’s rules.

1. Confidence Is Key

It may sound cliché, and you’ve heard the old adage 100 times that men “love a woman with confidence”, but it’s absolutely true. A confident woman can make any man gladly open up his wallet for a drink or two or three, all for the tiniest possibility that he’ll have the chance to take her out, open up his wallet again, and then realize that she never intended to sleep with him in the first place—all as she jauntily stops returning his texts.

So where does this inner fierceness come from? It all starts with the outfit! Yes, the way you leave your house (or your closet rather) will determine whether your credit card will get the night off, or put in overtime.

Men are simple. They want to see either skin or form. However, a girl does not have to resort to skanky surefire tactics like midriff bearing, barely there tops or the unoriginal mini. The caveat to this rule, of course, is that if you feel you’re most Beyonce fierce in such an outfit and can rock it without question, then you probably should. But for the more reserved types, I recommend choosing an outfit that accentuates curves yet stimulates imagination. Skinny jeans, sleeveless, peek-a-book cleavage, and classic black are all fair game. If you are still completely lost, go to Pinterest for inspiration, but bottom line, make sure that you look your best while being careful not to look completely unapproachable (re: too much thick makeup or overdressed for the scene).

Want to really grab his attention? Throw on a beanie over your locks. It is the bar girl’s aphrodisiac, trust me. Just make sure you are extra parched.

2. Roll In Groups of 3

Usually, three is a crowd, but not when you are trying to get hella drinks for free. Let’s face it, every man has a type but unfortunately we cannot predict which of us will fit his fancy. When you roll in a group of 3 women to a bar, the odds weigh heavily in your favor that one of the three of you will catch some generous guy’s eye. And this of course, should lead to free drinks for all.  Single women often make the mistake of rolling to the bar as a duo or in a larger group of girls. This is a bad strategy for a couple of reasons: One- When there are only 2, you run the risk of your girlfriend feeling left out that the guy did not direct his attention to her, especially if he has no viable wingman to distract her. You also run the risk of him having a wingman that turns out to be the King of Douchery. This translates to your girlfriend not engaging or reciprocating his chatter, which would have allowed you more time to close the drink deal for you both. Or worse, she will want to leave the bar all together, which is not good for strategy. Two- If you roll in a larger group of 4 or more girls it can be very intimidating to any approaching open-wallet guy. He may be able to afford a few shots but not six (one for you and all your girls).

A woman must take the path to least resistance if she wants to have a successful night, and that is the path of 3. A group of 3 is perfect because it does not present the aforementioned problems. If a guy only approaches one of you, the other 2 can entertain themselves while you work your magic. And for some reason, men find it absolutely riveting to take shots in small groups and will happily oblige drinks for a powerful female triumvirate. There are exceptions, of course, but I’ll assume you are not in Vegas when you utilize this guide.

3. Assume The Position

If you want free alcohol, do not stand at the back of the room pretending to “scope the scene”. That is a recipe for failure. Use your fierceness to march right up to the bar close enough to be in the path of all the men fighting for the bartenders attention, but far away enough that the bartender does not mistakenly ruin your game by trying to take your order. After you are in your position, then you can do a quick scan to your left and to your right. You will be looking for either the lone ranger or a duo of men who need company. Always give a quick stare and half-smile in his direction so that he knows he has the green light. If you are not his type, he won’t approach, but luckily you have reinforcements with your 2 girlfriends, and if diverse enough, one will wet his palette so he can literally wet yours.

4. Look Thirsty

Look thirsty, do not act thirsty. I repeat, look don’t act.  In other words, do not act desperately obvious by striking up a random conversation and overly smiling, especially when you are way out of his league. Trust me, he knows when he isn’t the best marker in the box and will get suspicious (re: cheap) if a hot lady suddenly finds him fascinating. Instead, look thirsty by seeming a little disengaged with the scene and without a drink. Look as if you are waiting to be approached and you will be. Men love to play rescuer to the damsel in distress, and you should be very distressed by your empty hands so allow him to fill them with a drink.

5. Remember Your Girls

When you do finally single out the open-wallet guy and peak his interest enough to get offered a drink, always remember your girls. Free drinks take teamwork. Work hard, and then share the spoils. Always accept his offer then look back at your girls. A smart guy will read your signal and usually offer drinks to your crew. If he is a total bozo and does not, then always bat your lashes and ask “what about my girls?” Most men will be taken aback by your confidence and abruptness, but just refer back to rule #1 and the old adage—it is still sexy. Besides, you are looking for the guy with deep pockets not the one-off cheapskate. If he refuses your girls, then refuse him…but first take that free drink before you find your next target.

6. Engage or Rotate

Sometimes no matter how many drinks are offered up, a girl gets bored. The open-wallet guy was fun after a couple rounds of drinks, but now he’s starting to kill your vibe. The fastest way out of this situation is to rotate and rotate fast. You give your girls the look, they get the message, and create the exit strategy fast. There is a whole different side of the bar with a whole different set of guys to target, so you should get moving. But sometimes getting out creates that awkward moment when the guy wants your digits as repayment for the drinks. This presents quite the conundrum: If you deny him your phone number, you’re a gold-digging opportunist but if you give in then you’ll ultimately have to deal with an annoying round of texts the next day or week. The easiest solution is to give your number but always change the last digit. This strategy will cover your ass in case he’s one of those guys who calls you right in front of him. Should you get caught, you can always pretend that your “drunkenness” caused the digit mishap….ooops!

There is also the chance (albeit slight) that you may want to continuing engaging with the open-wallet guy. Maybe he isn’t just generous, but funny and charming too. In this case, you should engage him with chatter, smiles, and light touching but never forget your mission of the night. He may have to be the sacrificial lamb, but he will understand—engage, give your real number, and rotate. You could use another shot, just not from him.

When you wake up the next morning, you will be a victorious, receipt-free woman. Easy!

Boning on a Budget

I’m sure you can agree that one of the largest pitfalls of leaving college and entering the working world is how difficult meeting new people becomes. More importantly for guys, how difficult meeting new girls becomes. Gone are the days where you can just “coincidentally” (and repeatedly) sit next to that cute girl in class. House parties and sorority girls have become nothing but a faint memory and “What’s your major?” probably just isn’t a good opener anymore.
Continue reading Boning on a Budget

Bill Splitting 101

Hello fellas. I’m pretty sure you’ve all been there before. You’re going to have lunch with this girl that you kind of are but also kinda of not interested in. I mean, you’d probably be down to bone her, but not too sure if you want to put in the work yet. Also, you’re not even really sure if she’s that into you, while at the same time you’re pretty certain you’re not in the friend zone yet. Continue reading Bill Splitting 101

Make Your Cheap Date Cheaper

This post goes out to my fellas out there trying to holler at the ladies. I’ve definitely been there and I understand that going out on dates take a lot of work and more importantly, money. And even I, someone who deems himself as hella cheap, will suggest that the guy should probably pay for the first date. Dates are expensive for two obvious reasons. One, you’re probably going to be eating somewhere nicer than where you usually eat. And two, you’re going to have to pay for two people. It’s probably safe to say you’re going to be spending at least four or five times what you usually spend on a meal. Now here’s my advice… always eat before the date.
Continue reading Make Your Cheap Date Cheaper