This is my third week in SF. And considering I’ve lived in the ‘burbs my entire life, I think I am transitioning to city life fairly well. I even gave someone directions last week like I knew what I was talking about. Also, yesterday I witnessed a hobo breaking into a van that didn’t have its windows closed all the way. After one of the weirder conversations I’ve ever had, we agreed that he would put everything back if I gave him $2. I’m pretty sure he just went back and took everything again after I left but I’ve never had anyone ask me if I wanted to blow him that many times in a row before and I really didn’t want to find out what would happen if I pushed it. Read the rest of this entry »
Hey what’s up? Long time no see. I’ve been making a couple somewhat big life changes over the last few months. First of all, I finally moved to SF. I spent a lot of time talking about it but we finally made the move. We wanted to move here for new experiences and I was really bored of living in the suburbs of Orange County. One of my top priorities for moving here is to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. I’m going to do my best to reach out to people I haven’t talked to for a while but also please don’t be shy and hit me up too. I am very excited. Also I would like to add, trying to move during Santa-con was a horrible, horrible idea. Read the rest of this entry »
I do. I learned it a couple months ago while I was in a group chat with some friends. Immediately after learning what it stood for, I had some problems with the word. Apparently “thot” is an acronym for “That Ho Over There”. While doing some ‘thot’ research, I read a bunch of articles on the internet about how this new word is derogatory to women. My problem with it, however, is that it literally stands for “that ho over there” and people are using it like a freaking noun.
I’m a hater. Or more correctly put, I think a lot of things are stupid. And worse, I find a strange enjoyment in pointing out why things are stupid to people who actually like those things. Don’t get me wrong though; I’m not admitting to this because I feel bad about it. I’m just acknowledging that it’s probably really annoying to talk to me about something that you like and that I think is stupid. And with my views on how diamond engagement rings are a scam, how Valentine’s Day is a tragedy, and how taking couple selfies is as embarrassing as taking real selfies, it’s probably really hard to date me. And yet, somehow my girlfriend manages to do it every day.
Today is Beatrice’s birthday.
Happy birthday, you beautiful girl. I know your one request for your birthday was for me to write you a card, but I figured I could probably do you one better. Instead, I want to publicly tell you why you are the greatest, and why I am the luckiest person in the world. Read the rest of this entry »
So, I think I was somewhat sexually harassed last weekend. I was peeing at a urinal at the airport when some old dude goes to the urinal next to me and starts chatting me up. I answered his questions about my flight and stuff and when I go to zip up, I look over at him and he’s straight up stone cold staring at my penis. He also had some weird smile going on. I’m pretty sure that was the first time some random guy went out of his way to stare at my private parts and the whole experience actually wasn’t too bad. It was kind of flattering even. I don’t know why girls complain about it so much. (jk) Read the rest of this entry »
In my recent post, I briefly talked about how I do not have an Instagram. To be honest, I felt a little left out so I decided I would get an account of my own. Below are ten pictures that I think will accurately give you a glimpse into how awesome my life really is.
Even though everyone is pretty much paying the same price for gas, it was very necessary for me to complain about gas prices by taking a picture of what I just paid for gas and uploading it to the internet. Read the rest of this entry »
When it comes to dating, you probably have that one douchey friend who always gives you the same advice: “It’s just a numbers game bro”. But your friend doesn’t understand things from your point of view. You’re different from him. You can’t just go out there and hit on every girl willy nilly. You have standards. It’s too dark in the club to see her face. It’s too creepy to ask out a complete stranger. Or maybe… just maybe… you’re kind of being a bitch right now. Having standards and hitting on more girls to increase your chances are not mutually exclusive. With 7 billion people in the world, I’m sure that there are more girls out there that meet your standards than you have time to talk to. So it’s quite possible that maybe your douchey friend is right and… Read the rest of this entry »
Yep, my name is Albert and the person in that picture is me. It is the first and hopefully last ‘selfie’ I’ve taken and subsequently uploaded to the internet. This is mainly because I think selfies are kind of really dumb.
Unfortunately, it seems like nobody else agrees with this view. I’ve noticed a very steep upward trend in the popularity of posting ‘selfies’ over the past few years and still think it’s incredibly weird. All of your friends already fucking know what you look like. They don’t need a daily reminder. It’s also super funny to me when people go places and take an up close picture of their face and then in the description they need to tell you where they’re at because their face is blocking the background. So in the end they just have a collection of identical pictures of their big dumb face taken at different places they’ve been. Seems a little counterproductive, but I digress. Read the rest of this entry »
What’s stopping you from asking your boss for a raise? Does this sound like something you would do? Like most people, your initial reaction might probably be to reject this idea. Maybe your company just laid people off… maybe you’re certain your boss won’t give it to you… maybe you don’t want to seem too greedy. Whatever it is, I’m sure there are a hundred reasons for why you shouldn’t ask for a raise right now. Also, nobody wants to force an awkward conversation on their superior or put themselves in a position to get rejected.
But I’m sure having an uncomfortable 10 minute conversation would be worth it to you if you knew it could bring you tens of thousands of dollars more a year. Your mother has probably told you that you’ll never get what you want in life unless you go and get it yourself. So, let me help you get yourself a hefty raise with a couple of simple, easy-to-follow tips.
I know. I failed to post for the last couple of months and I legitimately feel kind of bad about it. To be honest, I was really hoping that my next post would be an announcement of the launch of a new site I’ve been working on, but my developer recently got a girlfriend and stopped working on it and started working on her (oh!). So… yea… I guess I’ll just let you know when and if that comes out.
Anyways, a couple of months ago this article went viral. It’s an article about advice handed down from a Hong Kong billionaire telling you how to save your money. On the day it went viral, it was sent to me at least five times before I even ate lunch and I also saw it posted all over Facebook. Overall, I think that the message of the article was good, even though his method of budgeting didn’t seem super practical or realistic. What was funny to me though, was how everyone was jumping on this dude’s dick about how important it was to save money and how they were all of a sudden so inspired. Read the rest of this entry »